As a professor of child development and family science, every year I witness college students heading home for the holidays after a few months of relative independence. Anecdotally, most students express excitement about returning home and say they’re looking forward to relaxing with family and friends.
However, it also can present a challenge for parents and their grown children. Parents may wonder: “What should I expect of my child when they return home after living away?” Adult children may be thinking: “I’m an adult, but I’m in my parents’ home. Do I need to ask permission to go out? Do I have a curfew?”
The adult child’s return home, even for a few days or weeks, may produce some stress for both generations. But, the parent-child relationship is always evolving, including negotiating – and renegotiating – power and control as children age.
In fact, families have been preparing for these new role changes for years. Think about when children enter middle school. They spend less time under their parents’ direct supervision. Parents must begin to find ways to stay connected with their children while encouraging independence. The challenge is the same with young adults, only their interests and the appropriate level of independence has changed.
Generally speaking, the parent-child relationship is relatively stable over time. And the good news is that most people navigate this transition successfully. Understanding a bit more about what developmental and family scientists know about this time of life might help ease the path forward.
Between adolescence and true adulthood
Many countries and societies consider you an adult once you turn 18. However, neuroscience research reveals that parts of the brain that are crucial for adult skills such as planning ahead, decision-making and controlling impulses do not finish developing until the mid- or late 20s. So, from a psychological perspective, the onset of adulthood is not universal and not determined by a specific age.
In 2000, psychologists introduced the concept of a period of development that spans ages 18 to 25: emerging adulthood. It’s a kind of in-between period, when people say they don’t feel fully adult.
It’s important to note that this developmental period is not something that everyone experiences. It’s most common in Western or industrialized countries, though there is research on the experiences of emerging adults in other cultures. This period of exploration and experimentation, however, is a luxury not available to all, with adolescents from lower socioeconomic backgrounds reaching milestones of adulthood such as financial independence or parenthood earlier than those from more affluent backgrounds.
But this life stage has become increasingly common in the 21st century, partly due to societal changes that give young adults more opportunities to explore identity and focus on themselves. For instance, the availability of birth control made…
