My husband and I spent a late August day several years ago settling in our oldest child, Andrew, for the start of his first year at college. We went to Walmart to buy a mini fridge and rug. We hung posters above his bed. We attended the obligatory goodbye family lunch before heading to our car to return to a slightly quieter house.
Two weeks later, Andrew called me, his voice breaking. A student in his dorm had just died as a result of head trauma after a fall the young man took while extremely drunk. Media coverage in the months following indicated that instead of seeking help immediately after the fall, the young man’s friends waited nearly 20 hours to call 911. At that point, it was too late for potentially lifesaving medical treatment.
I’m a mom of three and a professor who studies social norms – the unwritten rules that shape people’s behavior. In my book “Why We Act: Turning Bystanders into Moral Rebels” I explore the factors that keep people from speaking up in the face of problematic behavior of all types.
I’ve thought about the story of my son’s classmate often as reports recently surfaced of the widespread hazing among players on the Northwestern University football team, four of whom are suing the institution. Hazing is remarkably common; for instance, one NCAA report states 74% of student-athletes experience it. Thankfully hazing-related deaths are more rare.
I suspect the root cause of these kinds of tragic situations on college campuses is the same: misperceiving what other students are thinking and feeling.
Misperceiving that you’re the only one
Problematic behavior in group settings – from students ignoring signs of a medical emergency to athletes hazing freshman recruits – often continues because people privately feel uncomfortable with what they see happening yet believe their peers don’t share their concerns.
This perception, regardless of its accuracy, leads people to stay silent because they fear the consequences of speaking up: Will doing so lead to rejection from the group? The most common reason male college students give for failing to speak up in situations involving sexual misconduct is fear of being laughed at or ridiculed. This fear is a normal part of human nature. But it weighs especially heavily when you’re an 18-year-old in a new environment and want desperately to fit in.
Psychologists call this condition pluralistic ignorance: A majority of people privately believe one thing but incorrectly assume that most others feel differently. Pluralistic ignorance explains why most college students feel there’s too much alcohol use on their campus but believe other students are perfectly comfortable with the amount of drinking. It explains why most college men privately find sexually aggressive behavior offensive but wrongly believe that others endorse it, and why many athletes may privately disagree with hazing but believe that their peers support it.
Why do people fail to…
